Carpe Diem,
Matt L.
P.S. Happy 21st to Albertron
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Of Giggles, Tantrums and Carpe Diem
A good friend of mine once said to me, "when your dreams to turn to dust, vacuum." On one hand this is giggle-worthy because my friend is a mildly OCD germaphobe (I.e. Carries around a bottle of mini-purrell hand sanitizer and forces everyone to wash their hands before using his computer. Three times.) On the other hand, I now find this quote meaningfully relevant to this week's blog-thesis: The evolution and decay of childhood resilience. It's hard to ascertain the exact resiliency levels of my campers, Israel and Justin, because I still know little about their domestic and school lives. However, based on their participation in camp activities, interactions with other kids, and demeanor towards the mentors, I can wager an educated guess as too how well these kids can bounce/spring/frolic back to emotional equilibrium after crisis. On a 'resiliency-scale' of one to ten, ten being pogo-stick bouncy (most resilient), and one being a broken trampoline (least resilient), I would rank both Israel and Justin as a four, for different reasons. Israel's will to participate in unfamiliar yet fun-filled activities has waned significantly since the start of camp. During the first few weeks of camp, Israel would at least attempt to join in rounds of catchphrase and thumbs-up-seven-up, albeit with a bit of cheating here and there. Presently, it is hassle to get him join in fun-fitness, one of his previous favorites. A solution might be to grant Israel a concession or two - perhaps a game of soccer (which he has recommended multiple times, loudly and frantically) for fun fitness instead of running around and pretending to Irvine Yeathworth's The Blob. Perhaps this solution is incorrect as well: By giving Israel what he wants, are we further diminishing his tenacity? Only time (two weeks) and carefully sidelined observation will tell. Moving on to Justin. Using my narc-like abilities, as well as information from the mentor grapevine, I have concluded that Justin is possibly a closeted bully. Yes - there is the good, the bad, and then the deceptively good yet still bad. Yet once again I notice a similar downward spiral in him that I noticed in Israel. The first few weeks of camp, Justin was seriously "fronting". His good sportsmanship and hi-fives with the other campers earned him an automatic hallucinated halo in my eyes. A few weeks later, after noticing a bit of subtle name calling, face-making, and 'playful' slapping of other campers on Justin's part, Amy and I spoke with him separately. Both times resulting in a very pouty and huffy Justin. It occurred to me that Justin cares greatly of his reputation with the mentors, but not necessarily with the other campers. However, lately the reverse has been true. Justin has recently joined the non-participating, drama-inflicting band-wagon clique (which, on bad days, can include the entire death scorpion contingent.) I believe that this downward spiral has been triggered by our discovery of Mr. Hyde's Dr. Jekyll/Justin. In other words, now that Justin knows that we know of his naughtiness, perhaps he has just decided to air his dirty laundry. Solution: Delegate leadership roles to Justin so that his perception of our perception of him is restored to former camp glory. Again, this could backfire but who knows. Building resiliency with these boys is much like trying to shoot a rubber band at your fourth grade nemesis' head. While you don't want to stretch the rubber band to the point of breakage (metaphor for pushing the campers too hard), you also don't want to stretch it too weakly so as to hit your class-room crush two seats ahead (metaphor for not pushing campers hard enough.) Hopefully I will hit my target.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
*when your dreams turn to dust, vacuum
As usual Matt, your blog is impressive and wonderfully written. I love the opening line and how well it ties into the assignment. You provide rich and thoughful insights, sprinkled with humor. The metaphors are right on!
This new, but not so new development with Justin is interesting and there are many ways to look at it. I looked back at our original notes from the meeting with the Guidance Counselors a few days ago and they informed us that he tends to instigate things yet cannot handle being teased himself. He has anger management issues as well as a need to work on his peer relationships. It sounds like he may be showing you who he really is or certainly his image of himself. I think Israel is doing the same thing. I agree that they both could benefit from having appropriate control such as being able to pick the next activity if they participate for 5-10 mins (whatever seems appropriate) in the current activity; making use of nothing in life for free, while providing an opportunity for some control. Both of these boys are defeated kids which drives them to behave the way they do. When you experience as much defeat as they do it is difficult to want to participate or try new things. Also, when the only way you can connect with others is through creating drama, that's what you do. I think sometimes we worry too much about giving kids control. It's as if there is only so much of it and if we give some to them, we lose some. Giving control to a kid who desperately needs rarely backfires. The key is doing it appropriately. That takes some thought. And if in the rare case it does backfire you will know it and can quickly return to the status quo since in reality you are the one in power. So...where does that leave us with two weeks? Justin needs to know that you will be there for him in good times and bad. This is typically the time many kids begin to test how much their mentors really care. Are they going to be like the other adults in their life who may distance themselves when the "real" Justin comes out. If you can find ways to let him know you are not going to be one of the adults, you won't let him misbehave, but you will always be willing to work through the problems with him. You will forgive his mistakes and find ways to continue to respect him. That will go a long way in helping him begin to see himself in a different light. Also, seeking out ways to provide him appropriate power: choices, picking activities, letting him decide what he wants to do with some one on one time with you. I know all this sounds like quite a feat. But, just beginning to think about these things can move you into the direction he needs. I am confident you will find the balance and the rubber band will hit the right target. You may have to change your target and know that just increasing their resiliency measure from a 4 to a 4.5 is progress!
Cathy
Post a Comment